You said I'd never be able .

So , here's my yesterday .

Stress all day about cleaning / father-proofing my house .
Stress about seeing my father for the first time since i (messily) moved out .
Go to work .
Recieve a text .

"Johnathon has been dirty texting another girl , it happened a month ago . Johnathon slept with another girl , it happened a couple months ago . Johnathon slept with a girl right before you moved here ."


My . Heart . Broke .

I was stuck at work for five hours trying to figure out where I was going to go , how to split up bills and what happens next . I felt like my entire future went black and i was at the edge of a hole . I felt like the love of my life just died . I won't give second chances , and you broke us .

I thought about how happy we were . How just the night before he held me outside and told me how absolutely happy he was with everything in his life , regarding me .
I thought about how much I've given to him .
I thought about how many times he told me he loved me .
I thought about trying to move forward and love again .

Mostly I thought about who was sleeping on the couch that night and if I would slap him or punch him .

Four hours . I tell my boss . Cry . A little .
She tells me , "remember the source ."
I do . A little . I am angry . I am nausious .

Three hours . I recieve many more texts .
Details Details Details . I smoke three cigarettes .
I shake a little .

Two hours . I tell Johnathon to cancel any evening plans .
He asks , "are we going to dinner"
I cry . More . Tell him no .

One hour . My source shows up . Brought me cigarettes .
Fills me in more . Tells me he will never change .
I tell Johnathon this may be the end . Please be right .


We go for a silent drive , park immediately . I asked him all the questions I had . He got worked up once , started yelling . Not at me , of course .

His charges have been dropped . Its scary to believe him though . I trust him and these girls , they are nonsense . They are miserable and contagious . But , why ? Why would they do this ? Why lie ? Why manipulate words to affect timing ? Why break up a beautiful relationship ?

I feel like I sort of know the answers . Misery loves company . Something about a woman scorned . I feel like I really am living as "us against the world" and I hate it .

We have done nothing , but be happy and successful . Please , stop trying to tear us down .